Good morning everyone! Going to try a little different time slot/topic for a post today. I've been attempting to have a work/life balance recently. This includes having a social life, meeting new people, hanging out with the folks who care about me and enjoying my free time. In an attempt to do this I've had some dates with a couple of young women in the past 3ish months. It's definitely cool to put myself out there, since it's been a while. I've spent so much time focused on work, and just trying to get by, that I've failed to actually live the life that I want to live. I thought I was being responsible by doing this, and I was, but I also missed out on so much. BIG mistake. That's being corrected right now, and I must say that I am a fool for spending so much time focused on those things. Lesson learned, I hope.
I guess the main reason for me writing this post is to get some stuff off my chest in regards to my past, when it comes to romance. Everyone knows that I am a pretty emotional guy, and I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve more often than not. I've made great strides in calming these outer emotions, and building a tougher exterior to keep them in check. So far it's working pretty well! That being said, I've had some stuff happen (bullying mainly) in the past that has caused me to build up some internal walls that keep me from being myself around people that I don't know. I won't get into specifics, but if you would like to ask me please feel free. That makes dating really difficult, oddly enough.Recently I've started to slowly tear those down so that people can get to know me on a deeper level. I've already been on more dates in the last 3 months than I've been on in the last 5 years. I think that's a sign that those walls are being overcome. I still have a long way to go, and I'll be the first to admit that, but dammit if it isn't cool to see progress actually happening!
I'm going to share something with you guys that only a few people know. Despite all of the progress with these internal walls, they still tend to keep me from getting "physical" in a relationship. For those who know me, and have worked with, what I'm about to say next should come as no surprise, but I think I need to get this out in an effort to help overcome these walls. I've never had sex. Yep, that's right, I said it. I know this is nothing to be ashamed of, but it does weigh on my mind heavily. That being said, I've had a couple of chances with some women, but I refuse to even come close to taking advantage of a drunk woman. I literally would not be able to live with myself. I just wanted to get that off my chest. That being said, I don't want it to sound like I'm just here trying to get laid, that's not the case at all. I'm just attempting to move on from what's held me back in the past, and I think this will be a huge help.
I'm testing the waters again after being out of the game for a looooonnnng time. It's been fun and stressful at times, but it's worth it just to be putting myself out there! I've been so ingrained in work recently that I've struggled to break away and live my life. At this point I'm not sure what I'm looking for, but I'll find that sooner or later. It's kind of cool to have a social life again, and I've got my friends to thank for always inviting me out on weekends. Makes life that much easier when there are folks who care. Anyway, until next time folks!
-Hunter
Sunday, November 8, 2015
Thursday, October 29, 2015
Knowledge gained, lessons learned, peace attained
Good evening everyone! It's been a little while since I've written a post, and I figured now would be as good a time as any. I've had a lot going on to keep me busy, most of it good, but some of it not so good. If I've learned anything over the past few months it's that life gets tough some times. It's all about how you react to what challenges are thrown your way. In the past I would've moved to alcohol or gone down into a deep depression. I'm happy to say that I've moved on from those types of reactions. It's as much about personal growth as it is about the support I've received from those people who honestly care and want me to succeed. This post is about you guys. Sure I'm going to talk about myself and what's been going on, but I've found out recently that while I may have grown more as a person in the last 18 months, it's the constant support and encouragement from my friends and family that keeps me going.
I've been handed so many different kinds of advice recently, and it has honestly been amazing to see how much people care about me. It definitely make everything worth it at the end of the day. I've had my doubts about my career and path in life recently, but dammit if you guys haven't been there to help me along the way. Whether it's a tough day at work, troubles at home or even relationship advice, you guys have been there to help if I ever need anything. I know who honestly cares about me, and I can only hope I reciprocate that in some way shape or form. If not them I am failing you as a friend.
The number one lesson that I've learned from everyone is this: life simply goes on. To use my mother's words, "Forget about the past, say FUCK IT, it's done, and move on. No sense getting worked up over things out of your control." This is something that I've struggled with in the past, and continue to struggle with to this day. I think I've gotten much better at not getting caught up in the moment, but the past couple of weeks have left me feeling otherwise. At the end of the day I know that I've done my best, but I still feel like I have so much more to do/give. I'm always my biggest critic, and that never really helps. That being said, after some conversations over the last week I know that I'm not the only one who does this. That's a comforting thought, to say the least. I have an old coworker who told me to write my biggest worries for the day on a sticky note, and when I woke up each morning to throw them away and forget about them. Elegantly simple, haha. My friend Rhonda told me the other day to put all your worries in a "bucket" and when you leave work, or a stressful environment, to empty the "bucket" and don't bring it home with you. That simple metaphor is awesome. I'm definitely going to be using that going forward!
Through all of this I have learned that it's OK to be a little tough on yourself sometimes. It's about picking yourself back up and moving forward. That's the peace that I'm gaining throughout this. Sure I may stumble and fall, but I know that there are people who care enough to reach out and help me if I do fall too hard. I've come so far in such a short amount of time thanks to the love and kindness of my friends and family. That, to me, is absolutely amazing. It's also part of what makes life worth living! I'm confident that one day I'll be able to learn enough ways to deal with these kinds of stressful situations to never have to worry about how they will affect my life. It's crazy to me that I'm saying that, when not too long ago I was wondering if I could keep going at all. That is thanks to you all who have had a hand in helping me along the way. Whether it was a text, call, comment or post, you guys have had such a huge impact on me. I am amazed at this, and can only hope that I can assist in some way in the future. That's the least I can do.
I've been handed so many different kinds of advice recently, and it has honestly been amazing to see how much people care about me. It definitely make everything worth it at the end of the day. I've had my doubts about my career and path in life recently, but dammit if you guys haven't been there to help me along the way. Whether it's a tough day at work, troubles at home or even relationship advice, you guys have been there to help if I ever need anything. I know who honestly cares about me, and I can only hope I reciprocate that in some way shape or form. If not them I am failing you as a friend.
The number one lesson that I've learned from everyone is this: life simply goes on. To use my mother's words, "Forget about the past, say FUCK IT, it's done, and move on. No sense getting worked up over things out of your control." This is something that I've struggled with in the past, and continue to struggle with to this day. I think I've gotten much better at not getting caught up in the moment, but the past couple of weeks have left me feeling otherwise. At the end of the day I know that I've done my best, but I still feel like I have so much more to do/give. I'm always my biggest critic, and that never really helps. That being said, after some conversations over the last week I know that I'm not the only one who does this. That's a comforting thought, to say the least. I have an old coworker who told me to write my biggest worries for the day on a sticky note, and when I woke up each morning to throw them away and forget about them. Elegantly simple, haha. My friend Rhonda told me the other day to put all your worries in a "bucket" and when you leave work, or a stressful environment, to empty the "bucket" and don't bring it home with you. That simple metaphor is awesome. I'm definitely going to be using that going forward!
Through all of this I have learned that it's OK to be a little tough on yourself sometimes. It's about picking yourself back up and moving forward. That's the peace that I'm gaining throughout this. Sure I may stumble and fall, but I know that there are people who care enough to reach out and help me if I do fall too hard. I've come so far in such a short amount of time thanks to the love and kindness of my friends and family. That, to me, is absolutely amazing. It's also part of what makes life worth living! I'm confident that one day I'll be able to learn enough ways to deal with these kinds of stressful situations to never have to worry about how they will affect my life. It's crazy to me that I'm saying that, when not too long ago I was wondering if I could keep going at all. That is thanks to you all who have had a hand in helping me along the way. Whether it was a text, call, comment or post, you guys have had such a huge impact on me. I am amazed at this, and can only hope that I can assist in some way in the future. That's the least I can do.
Monday, September 7, 2015
Overcoming life's obstalces
Good evening y'all! I haven't posted in a while so I thought I would write a quick little update on where I'm at in the world. One word to describe me at the moment, HAPPY... Yes, you read that correctly. I'm happy with where I'm at in my own mind, and in the world. Sure there are things that can be improved, and I'm working on those constantly. I also just got a promotion at work, so that's definitely a positive. Looking back over the last year and a half I can honestly say that I'm proud of where I've ended up. I have had an amazing support group who has kept me going, and in all honesty I don't think I'd still be here if it wasn't for you gals and guys!
Despite everything that I've been through in the last 18 months, and all of the hardships (both mental and physical) I actually feel like I've made significant improvements in my life. I still get anxious and nervous, but I've found ways to cope with it and overcome it. Right now the most effective way for me is to "get physical" and vent the stress by running/biking/playing soccer/swimming or even walking. It's amazing what a little exercise can do for the mind! I've also been attempting to take steps back and look at the big picture when I get stressed. I'm also learning that it's ok to ask for help, and that I'm not in this alone. That's true about work and everything else in my life. It just took me 27 damn years to learn that, ha!
I've also started eating better. This is something that kind of started with the exercise thing. I still have a ways to go with this, but I've started eating vegetables, fruits, grains and all kinds of meals that I cook myself. I think that's something that has also helped. There is something mentally calming about cooking. The rewards are definitely worth the effort too.
I'm putting myself out there now too. I've become a more outgoing and even went on a date not too long ago. Crazy, I know. Anyway, I'm attempting to find a work/life balance, and me becoming more outgoing is definitely putting me on the right path to that. Anyway, that's where I'm at, and until next time.
-Hunter
Despite everything that I've been through in the last 18 months, and all of the hardships (both mental and physical) I actually feel like I've made significant improvements in my life. I still get anxious and nervous, but I've found ways to cope with it and overcome it. Right now the most effective way for me is to "get physical" and vent the stress by running/biking/playing soccer/swimming or even walking. It's amazing what a little exercise can do for the mind! I've also been attempting to take steps back and look at the big picture when I get stressed. I'm also learning that it's ok to ask for help, and that I'm not in this alone. That's true about work and everything else in my life. It just took me 27 damn years to learn that, ha!
I've also started eating better. This is something that kind of started with the exercise thing. I still have a ways to go with this, but I've started eating vegetables, fruits, grains and all kinds of meals that I cook myself. I think that's something that has also helped. There is something mentally calming about cooking. The rewards are definitely worth the effort too.
I'm putting myself out there now too. I've become a more outgoing and even went on a date not too long ago. Crazy, I know. Anyway, I'm attempting to find a work/life balance, and me becoming more outgoing is definitely putting me on the right path to that. Anyway, that's where I'm at, and until next time.
-Hunter
Friday, May 8, 2015
Long time away....
Wowie, it's been a long time since I've written a post. 6 months and one week to be (almost) exact... Geez. My apologies. I will do my best to post more often. This is a slightly inebriated post, btw. I feel like I need to update y'all on where I'm at. No better time like the present, in my opinion.
What's happened in the last 6 months? I've moved to an apartment on my own, I have my own car that I'm buying and I'm just trying to make my way in the world. It's tough some days, especially living on my own. I sometime slip into some dark places, but I'm pretty proud that I keep pulling myself back out of them. They're fewer and further between, if that makes any dang sense... As much as I sometimes despise living by myself, I feel like it's necessary for me to do this at this point in my life. If I can do this I can just about do anything, and that's the ultimate test. So far so good, I'm happy to say!
I do want to say that I owe all of this advancement/growth to my family and friends. About a year ago I was ready to end it all, and thanks to a select group of friends and family I'm still here today. There was an issue with work and some co-workers took it upon themselves to help me out of this predicament. They called my mom, who then called me and talked me down from where I was. When I say that I was close to ending I mean that I was hours away from going and buying a gun and ending it all. Is that too much, possibly. But I now know that's not ever going to happen, thanks to family and friends. Family extends to the co-workers who I did not even know 3 years ago. I can never express my gratitude to them, but I sure try every day. If you happen to be a co-worker who is reading this then you know who you are, and I can never ever say thank you enough.
That being said, I also have to say (write) a massive thanks to my close friends and family as well who I've known for a little longer than 3 years. If you are reading this, you know who you are. I wouldn't be where I am without you guys and girls. It's amazing how a dude like me can have such a support system, but I'm here today because of it. I can't say thanks enough, and I'll continue to do everything I can to keep myself moving forward, since you guys have worked so hard to keep me going. I'm forever grateful, and I can never ever ever say thank you enough. From the bottom of my heart, and with all my soul, you guys are the reason I'm still here, and that's the honest truth...
Til next time,
Hunter
What's happened in the last 6 months? I've moved to an apartment on my own, I have my own car that I'm buying and I'm just trying to make my way in the world. It's tough some days, especially living on my own. I sometime slip into some dark places, but I'm pretty proud that I keep pulling myself back out of them. They're fewer and further between, if that makes any dang sense... As much as I sometimes despise living by myself, I feel like it's necessary for me to do this at this point in my life. If I can do this I can just about do anything, and that's the ultimate test. So far so good, I'm happy to say!
I do want to say that I owe all of this advancement/growth to my family and friends. About a year ago I was ready to end it all, and thanks to a select group of friends and family I'm still here today. There was an issue with work and some co-workers took it upon themselves to help me out of this predicament. They called my mom, who then called me and talked me down from where I was. When I say that I was close to ending I mean that I was hours away from going and buying a gun and ending it all. Is that too much, possibly. But I now know that's not ever going to happen, thanks to family and friends. Family extends to the co-workers who I did not even know 3 years ago. I can never express my gratitude to them, but I sure try every day. If you happen to be a co-worker who is reading this then you know who you are, and I can never ever say thank you enough.
That being said, I also have to say (write) a massive thanks to my close friends and family as well who I've known for a little longer than 3 years. If you are reading this, you know who you are. I wouldn't be where I am without you guys and girls. It's amazing how a dude like me can have such a support system, but I'm here today because of it. I can't say thanks enough, and I'll continue to do everything I can to keep myself moving forward, since you guys have worked so hard to keep me going. I'm forever grateful, and I can never ever ever say thank you enough. From the bottom of my heart, and with all my soul, you guys are the reason I'm still here, and that's the honest truth...
Til next time,
Hunter
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