The Pursuit of Happiness

Building on last week's post...

Good afternoon everyone! It's another beautiful day in Memphis. I'm going to do what I can to post a blog every 7-10 days, as long as people find what I have to say interesting. Hopefully they'll continue to get better as I start writing a little more. To myself, I'm still a little rusty. I haven't written for enjoyment in years, so excuse the rust for the time being. This blog, like me, is a work in progress. It's going to take some time to get it, and myself, where I want to be!

Anyway, on to the topic at hand. I wrote my first ever blog post last week on a subject I feel very strongly about. Bullying is a terrible thing, and there's no real way to end it. You just have to try and work around it, and vent to someone. I wasn't able to do that because my mother was working 3 jobs, and my father didn't care about that kind of thing. It's dumb to think that, but getting this stuff off my chest over the last couple of weeks has done me a world of good. Right now it's difficult to live with myself due to my past, and I'm taking steps in the right direction to fixing that. I'm trying to be more positive about things, and I've admitted that I have a problem. I'm going to the doctor tomorrow about that problem, so hopefully I can move on from this and get on with trying to live my life the way I want to live it.

I've been living my life lately trapped under what my tormenters did to me. Recently I've been slowly chipping away at that bubble I've been trapped under. I've started writing, both on here and in a journal. Some of my awesome coworkers recommended that, and I must say that it is helping me out more than I thought! Talking about my issues to friends has been another way to get this off my chest. I've been doing some "soul searching" the last few days. It's difficult to do that, but again other people's advice is proving to be spot on. I don't know why I doubt the advice I receive from friends and family, they're just trying to help me out in any way they can.

I've been more active this week. I picked up the idea from another blog I read last weekend about dealing with depression. Keeping my mind, and body, active is definitely going to help in the long run. I ran a little, biked a lot and hung out with friends. Oh yeah, the Grizzlies won against the Clippers and I got to go to that game. So that's also awesome. I'm going to continue to keep moving forward with this kind of stuff. It definitely helps me to keep my mind off of the things that are troubling.

One last thing I want to say before I end this week's post. I want to give a sincere thank you to everyone who reached out to me after my first post. It's an awesome feeling to know that friends and family have your back, no matter what. From the texts and posts, to the conversations I've had with family and friends, this week has been a reminder that I'm not alone in this. As a matter of fact the most amazing thing I've found in my short time on this earth is that the people in your life who have invested time in you will always be there. I've seen that in my family, close friends, old fraternity buddies, old coworkers and current coworkers. As bad as I might have had it in high school, I'm blessed to have so many uplifting people around me at this point in my life. Whether I talk to them everyday or not, it's pretty cool to know that I can reach out and find comfort in them.

I guess you have to look at life that way. There will always be people that will be out to hurt you and bring you down, but then there are your true friends and family who are there to bring you right back up. That's an extremely comforting thought. At the end of the day I know I have them to fall back on if times ever get really tough. I also always have hope. Hope is a wonderful thing to have, so don't ever lose that, because once you lose hope everything really comes crashing down. I think that's all for this week. Hopefully I come through this rough patch really soon!

From my computer desk,
Hunter

I've got 99 problems....

First blog post ever of all time ever...

  Happy Sunday to all of my fellow humans. It's an awesome day in Memphis, TN. We've been experiencing some awfully cold weather lately, but today seems to be a break from that! I've already run a mile this morning, which is more than I've run in the past year, so there's that. If you can't tell by the title this is my first ever blog post. I'm not 100% sure what this blog will cover, but I do like to talk about lots of things. These hobbies/interests/general things I like include, but are not limited to; music, craft beer, sports, T.V. shows and my life in general. No particular rhyme or reason to the madness, just talking about what I want to talk about ever so often.

If you don't really know me let me go ahead and fill you in. I'm a 25 year old graduate of the University of Memphis. I graduated with a Bachelor of Science in Geography. I still have no idea what I want to do with it, but I've always had a fascination with meteorology. I currently work for AS Hospitality in Memphis, TN as a Project Management Specialist, aka a glorified Customer Service Representative. It's what I know how to do best, since before my current job I worked in a call center for 5 years to help myself through school. Great times were had at that call center, that's for sure. AS Hospitality is my first big boy job, and I've learned a lot about myself in the 15 months I've been there. I work with a dedicated and amazing group of folks who genuinely care about me. It's like having a family away from home!

I guess the main reason for me starting this blog is to vent a little. I've been battling depression off and on for 3 months, and I've always had massive anxiety problems. Listen folks this all stems from my time in high school. I'm not the person to stand up for myself, so I was almost instantly picked out as a person to bully. I mean it was bad for a while. Kids can be real douches to each other. Some of my so-called "friends" were the worst ones. Looking back over the past 10 years it all makes sense, in a really weird way. I was bullied, which leads to little or no self confidence. I've missed out on so much because some a-holes thought it would be funny to push the chubby kid around just to see if they could get a rise out of me. I never once lashed out violently, or at all really.

I kept all of the pain inside. That's how I dealt with it then, and that's how I deal with it some of the time now. Luckily I've found some creative ways to vent some of the pain and frustration. Riding bikes has become a hobby of mine, and that's a good way to vent. However looking back I knew back then that all of this would come to a head one day. It hasn't happened yet, but it could. I've been reading about bullying online, and this article from Cracked.com is really amazing. If you've ever been bullied get help. Whether it's your parents, a guidance counselor, friend or someone online (another reason for starting a blog!) there are people who can help. Don't let it build a barrier around who you really are, trust me that's what it's done to me.

My barrier is still there and I've been out of high school for almost 8 years now. I still find it difficult to get close with people, and it's prevented me from developing relationships. I won't get into specifics, but I've had a trying time with women in my life since I left high school. It's hard to admit that, but that's the first step in trying to recover from my depression. Admitting that I have a problem and need help was tough, but it was a relief. I've got a doctor's appointment in a week about this very thing. If, and I mean if, medicine is an option to fix this I'll try it, however much I don't want to. (I'm a firm believer in any medicine for depression will make me a shell of my former self.)

I'm trying to fix some of the mistakes I've made in the past, but it's a slow process. I've vented to a few friends regarding this, and I've gotten some great advice. The best I've heard came from one of my closest friends, Colin. He said, "You've gotta be willing to take the first step and fix this. It's a process and doesn't happen instantly, but you know I've got your back." Simple, but it's true. I'm trying to better myself, and that first step is to get healthy again. Once they find out about this pain in my side will also be a HUGE relief. CT scans, ultrasounds and an endoscopy are not fun at all. I plan on joining a gym in the next month or so. In short I've got a problem, but I have to be the one to admit it, and start taking steps in the right direction. I won't be going at it alone. I have a wonderful set of friends who are there if I need them. From the ladies I work with to old friends from back home, I'm fortunate to have this kind of support. Don't be afraid to admit you have a problem, it could be the catalyst on your road to recovery.

From my computer desk,
Hunter