First blog post ever of all time ever...
Happy Sunday to all of my fellow humans. It's an awesome day in Memphis, TN. We've been experiencing some awfully cold weather lately, but today seems to be a break from that! I've already run a mile this morning, which is more than I've run in the past year, so there's that. If you can't tell by the title this is my first ever blog post. I'm not 100% sure what this blog will cover, but I do like to talk about lots of things. These hobbies/interests/general things I like include, but are not limited to; music, craft beer, sports, T.V. shows and my life in general. No particular rhyme or reason to the madness, just talking about what I want to talk about ever so often.If you don't really know me let me go ahead and fill you in. I'm a 25 year old graduate of the University of Memphis. I graduated with a Bachelor of Science in Geography. I still have no idea what I want to do with it, but I've always had a fascination with meteorology. I currently work for AS Hospitality in Memphis, TN as a Project Management Specialist, aka a glorified Customer Service Representative. It's what I know how to do best, since before my current job I worked in a call center for 5 years to help myself through school. Great times were had at that call center, that's for sure. AS Hospitality is my first big boy job, and I've learned a lot about myself in the 15 months I've been there. I work with a dedicated and amazing group of folks who genuinely care about me. It's like having a family away from home!
I guess the main reason for me starting this blog is to vent a little. I've been battling depression off and on for 3 months, and I've always had massive anxiety problems. Listen folks this all stems from my time in high school. I'm not the person to stand up for myself, so I was almost instantly picked out as a person to bully. I mean it was bad for a while. Kids can be real douches to each other. Some of my so-called "friends" were the worst ones. Looking back over the past 10 years it all makes sense, in a really weird way. I was bullied, which leads to little or no self confidence. I've missed out on so much because some a-holes thought it would be funny to push the chubby kid around just to see if they could get a rise out of me. I never once lashed out violently, or at all really.
I kept all of the pain inside. That's how I dealt with it then, and that's how I deal with it some of the time now. Luckily I've found some creative ways to vent some of the pain and frustration. Riding bikes has become a hobby of mine, and that's a good way to vent. However looking back I knew back then that all of this would come to a head one day. It hasn't happened yet, but it could. I've been reading about bullying online, and this article from Cracked.com is really amazing. If you've ever been bullied get help. Whether it's your parents, a guidance counselor, friend or someone online (another reason for starting a blog!) there are people who can help. Don't let it build a barrier around who you really are, trust me that's what it's done to me.
My barrier is still there and I've been out of high school for almost 8 years now. I still find it difficult to get close with people, and it's prevented me from developing relationships. I won't get into specifics, but I've had a trying time with women in my life since I left high school. It's hard to admit that, but that's the first step in trying to recover from my depression. Admitting that I have a problem and need help was tough, but it was a relief. I've got a doctor's appointment in a week about this very thing. If, and I mean if, medicine is an option to fix this I'll try it, however much I don't want to. (I'm a firm believer in any medicine for depression will make me a shell of my former self.)
I'm trying to fix some of the mistakes I've made in the past, but it's a slow process. I've vented to a few friends regarding this, and I've gotten some great advice. The best I've heard came from one of my closest friends, Colin. He said, "You've gotta be willing to take the first step and fix this. It's a process and doesn't happen instantly, but you know I've got your back." Simple, but it's true. I'm trying to better myself, and that first step is to get healthy again. Once they find out about this pain in my side will also be a HUGE relief. CT scans, ultrasounds and an endoscopy are not fun at all. I plan on joining a gym in the next month or so. In short I've got a problem, but I have to be the one to admit it, and start taking steps in the right direction. I won't be going at it alone. I have a wonderful set of friends who are there if I need them. From the ladies I work with to old friends from back home, I'm fortunate to have this kind of support. Don't be afraid to admit you have a problem, it could be the catalyst on your road to recovery.
From my computer desk,
Hunter
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