Good evening everyone, hope all is well with you. I've been having a rough week, the only bright spots being birthday celebrations. Between insurance changing at work and doubling in cost, working a little too much and my complete ineptitude when it comes to women, it's been a hell of a week. That being said, I can't look back on that, I've just got to take the experiences I've had this week, apply the good and get the bad out. All of this stress I've been feeling is trying to take over, but through my therapy I'm slowly learning to deal with it in a healthy way, or at least we hope it continues that way!
Speaking of therapy, something we talked about last week really hit home. We were speaking about the goals I had for therapy, and how we were going to work to achieve them. For whatever reason the doctor stopped in mid explanation to tell me an observation he had about me in our short time together. He said, "Hunter I think I can piece something together about you just from the conversations that we've had. When people love you, you like yourself alright, but when people hate you you feel like the worst person on the Earth." He hit the nail on the head. I don't know why I'm that way, but I can't help it. I always over analyze every little thing that happens, from a two second conversation to a 30 minute phone call. My mind is wired to, what I like to call, "hyper-analyze" every thing. It's a blessing and a curse at the same damn time, unfortunately.
Who knows when I'll finally be over that, but I'm trying to get better. Everyone has told me that they can tell a difference, so that's a start. Luckily my support group is still really strong, from my coworkers(who are a second family to me!) and friends, to my family, I know that I've always got people who are pushing me to get better, and who genuinely care. That's something that is, and always will be gratifying to see. I like to think I'm a good friend most of the time, but man some of my friends are making me realize there is so much more that I can do!
I felt like I needed to say that, just in case there are people out there who don't realize how much they really mean to me. I honestly feel that I wouldn't be here without your support. I came close to ending it all about 3 months ago, but I was helped through that tough time by everyone I call my friend/family. My thanks will never be enough to repay that, and I mean that with my entire being.
At the end of the day I'm just a (somewhat) normal dude who may care to much about what people think, but that's gotten me this far in life. I truly can see the therapy working, and it's always good when you're therapist says he'll work with you even though he doesn't take your new insurance. We've still got a lot of work to do, and the journey will get harder before the end, but I'm committed to trying to see this out and come out better for it. I'm always up for a challenge, and this may be the hardest one in my life. Who says I can't rise above it and come out on top in the end.
Until next time,
Hunter
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