Trapped in my mind

Happy Tuesday everybody. Sorry for not posting last week. I just felt like I didn't have much to post about. It's been a much better couple of weeks. I'm not sure if it's the medicine that's leveling me out or if life has genuinely gotten better. I guess time will tell.

One thing I've noticed lately is that life can change, for better or worse, at the drop of a hat. I went from extreme depression to happy as can be this past weekend back to depressed slightly on Sunday afternoon. I'm not a psychiatrist so I've got no idea what's going on, but I find that the time I've spent alone is leading to some of my darker times lately. I'm not saying that I'm suffering from extreme depression, but I've had my low moments mixed in with the good. Hence the title of this post, and this awesome song. It may be cliche, but oh well. I like the song, and it speaks to me lately.

The highest I've been the past couple of weeks has been when I'm with friends, family or co-workers. My lowest points have been when I'm alone. I tend to over-think everything that goes on in my life. From the smallest incident to the biggest tragedy. I keep looking for hidden meanings from stuff that happened 5+ years ago. My mind is almost like a prison lately, and I get trapped in it from time to time. It's difficult to escape when you over-analyze everything. I know that I can't go back and fix anything that's happened in the past, I just have to learn from those experiences and move on, but damn if that isn't difficult sometimes.

I've been doing some reading on this subject lately, and came across this nice blog post. Now if I could just apply some of this to my life I might be able to move on. I won't lie to you, over-thinking everything has lead to so much pain and frustration over the years, and yet I keep doing it to myself. I've sought help from everyone I can think of. I've gotten some awesome advice, whether it's from strangers who post on the Internet or my close friends. I take bits and pieces of advice and apply them to my own situation.

That's another amazing thing. I was just talking about it today with the folks I work with. We've all got problems, and we may not know it at the time we're going through hard times, but having people who genuinely care about you is one of the most amazing and gratifying feelings ever. I can't remember the last time I had such an outpouring of support, help, advice and just love. That's the only word to describe it, love. Such a powerful word that can mean so much. I'm grateful to have that. Every text, call, post, comment and positive thought/prayer is taken to heart.

Times got rough, and as I mentioned previously I contemplating ending it all because I wasn't sure I could do anything else in this world. How dumb of me. I didn't want the help at the time, but the sign of a true friend is being there when the person you love is willing to admit you need help. That sense of love and caring pulled me through. Whether it was my friends Colin, Taylor or Prescott to my coworkers, family, and old friends I hadn't seen in so long. I wish I could describe what everything you guys have done for me, even if it doesn't seem like you had an impact. Believe me, I don't think I'd be here today if you all hadn't reached out to me over the past month. I've said this so much that I'm starting to wear the phrase out, I don't know what I've done to deserve such an amazing support group, but I only hope I can repay you all for the acts of love and kindness you've shown me.

I'm doing much better now, that much I do know. Now if I could get my stomach feeling better I'd be right as rain! From the bottom of my heart I am sincerely thankful for each and every one of you that has supported/loved/cared/tweeted/anything else that I haven't mentioned at me during the past 2+ months. It's amazing what awesome folks I have in my life.

Til the next post,
Hunter